Brenda’s was the prayer request that I held in my hands on one particular Thursday morning at our daily 10:00 am staff prayer time.  I saw her prayer request was written on the New Donor form we had from the April 16^th Impact Day we just concluded. She gave $100 to the radio station and there was an attached note, “Pray for me to find a job.” I kept doing a double take at the $100 and looking back at the “Pray for me to find a job”.  I kept thinking…there must be a mistake…must be a typo. Did she just give that much out of just faith?

Several years back I was out of work, and my message to my family and the world was, “There is a total freeze on all non-essential money that is not directly related to survival.” I was so moved that Brenda stepped out in the middle of her need and gave from her heart to help us reach others who need to hear the encouragement of Christ. It reminded me of the woman that Jesus spoke about who gave just a couple of pennies in the temple, but Jesus said it was the greatest gift. Brenda gave a great gift and this humbled me today…it made me want to be more like her. Even in her time of need she is shining Jesus. In my time of need I have a tendency to lose my shine and, unfortunately, those are our defining moments in life. Those are the moments that our shine is often looked at the most.

I could not resist…I called Brenda on the phone and told her how her gift touched my life so much by setting that example for me. I lean toward the tendency to give mostly out of my excess. In light of where she is financially in her life – she gave a gift much bigger than any gift I think I have ever given anyone.

I asked her if she would please let me pray with her for a job. We prayed together and she was so positive about it. She was so confident that no matter what happened, God is guiding her situation. Then she shared with me how important a role our station plays in her life for encouragement and then she went on to encourage me! In my ignorance I thought I was going to be the encouraging one. Thank you, Brenda.

Nine years ago, on April 21^st, our lives changed forever. My husband, Jack, had a doctor’s visit for what we thought was a minor problem. However, the doctor determined that Jack needed an MRI, because he could not properly diagnose the situation. The MRI was scheduled the following week…on April 21^st. After the procedure, we decided to run some errands and have breakfast together. As I was getting out of the car at the post office, Jack’s cell phone rang. After returning to the car, Jack shared, “The doctor wants us to come to his office immediately.” We both simply looked at each other and drove to the doctor’s office in silence. As I walked through the door, I saw it! The brain scan on the computer had a visible circle drawn on the screen. I knew something terrible was wrong! I looked at Jack, and he actually looked calm. As we sat down, the doctor said, “We have some bad news. You have a tumor sitting on the brain stem, and we need you to see a specialist right away”. My mind screamed, God is this for real? Are we hearing this correctly?

On the way home, silence was broken as Jack recalled a movie we recently attended. My mind simply had no room for that, as I just wanted to cry out, “No God, please tell me this is not real!” I reached over, patted him on the leg and said, “We will get through this.” He agreed and reminded me we just need to stay focused on God getting us through. Neither of us wanted Jack to die. He wanted to see his grandkids grow up and talked about that so much.

In the short time Jack dealt with his brain tumor, his conversation was always about family…never about all that he was going through. Jack’s mind seemed to stay focused on God and how He was going to see us through. My mind seemed to just say, “No, God please don’t let this be happening!”  I prayed for Jack to give His heart to Christ for a long time, and God answered that prayer. Could I possibly lose him during the best years of our life together?

The next four weeks were very difficult. Jack was so reassuring that he was going to be ok. He said he wanted to go through this honoring the cross and giving the glory to Christ. He repeated over and over, “I know that I will be healed…either here or there.” I knew only God could lead me through his difficult time.

We were scheduled for Jack to be admitted to Duke for a needle biopsy. It was a great drive down…dinner and our time together was wonderful. I realized quickly, however, things were changing fast, as more symptoms indicated the seriousness of the situation. Those were difficult days at Duke, but it was amazing how I felt God’s presence in the room.

The doctors met with us after the biopsy, explaining the situation. It was confirmed. The tumor was an aggressive form of cancer that would soon take Jack from me. How could I hold my composure? Only God could help me! We went to his room where he was waiting to see us. His first words were, “Hey hon, I told you not to worry, we were going to get through this.” He told me and our granddaughter, who was with me at that time, how much he loved us. Within ten minutes he was in a coma from an aneurysm. They rushed him back to surgery, and he was soon in ICU on life support no with hope of coming home with me. Several hours later, God reached down and called Jack home. I felt like a part of me was gone as well. The numbness was overwhelming.

The kids and I went outside the hospital and sat on the bench. I looked up in the sky and saw the most beautiful rainbow. It almost looked like two rainbows together. I felt like God was saying that Jack was okay. However, I could not grasp heading home without the man of my life for forty-two years. Several hours later, as we pulled up in our driveway, it was hard to believe what we saw…another big beautiful rainbow hovering over our house! Another sign…God was with us!

The days ahead were tough and I spent hours thinking about how Jesus looked beyond the suffering, shame and death he knew was to come and focused on the joy ahead. I think that’s what Jack was thinking of too.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ~Hebrews 12:2

Jack trusted God to heal him or use this for His glory. I’ve had many sad days since Jack went home, but God has helped me make it through each one. God promises to never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), and His grace is sufficient. When we learn to walk in the awareness of the presence of God, I think we see just how faithful He is. I know, first-hand, because He is continues to see me through each day.

“It’s five minutes before seven o’clock,” I yelled at my oldest son. His usual (if we’re on routine) sit-down-for-breakfast time is twenty minutes before seven. Tick tock! Tick tock! (I noticed he wasn’t worried about the time as he meandered to the table.) I rushed back to finish ironing my slacks for the day. Again…tick tock! Tick tock! The dog still needed to be fed; my youngest son didn’t have his “breakfast-to-go” bag yet; had I brushed my teeth?….no!  The get-out-the-door-on-time schedule was shot. I was losing, rather…I lost…my cool. As a result, the morning, the day ahead, and all the items on my to-do list suddenly didn’t look very promising.

As I drove to work, my wife called me to see if I was OK. Her words calmed me down a bit and caused me to pause and think. In the grand scheme of life, with all the things that so many other people are dealing with, was this morning’s schedule debacle such a big deal? In the moment it seemed the worst of times, but really it wasn’t.

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.” Why had I forgotten that so quickly?

Just the previous week I had been on vacation. Time away, with family and friends, had been so precious. We relaxed, laughed, enjoyed the time together and marveled at the beauty of God’s creation. That Psalm was so real in that setting. Now, because a morning schedule hadn’t gone as planned, I was off my rocker.

I began to think about the circumstances surrounding the recent deaths of two children in a nearby community. They perished when the clay wall of a hole being dug for a building collapsed onto them. Six-year-old Chloe and seven-year-old James were, without warning, taken from this earth and from the love of their parents and many others. They wouldn’t have mornings of frustration, because these children were late for breakfast or the times of constant reminders to brush teeth or do homework, or perhaps the fun times together at an amusement park, playing a card game, or visiting the ocean. I thought of other people I know, and those I’ve heard about, facing the trials of sickness, unemployment, children in extreme trouble, on and on, and again I has to ask myself…was a morning of simple chaos really so awful?

This morning’s madness happened for a reason and I…we…need to learn the lessons of it, a list of things we shouldn’t take for granted:

1) time is precious

2) enjoy the moments we have with our loved ones

3) be ready for God to take us home any moment, and

4) be still and know that He is God

(And, He is in control of each moment…those of peace, those of total madness, and all in between.)

As I was trying to get settled into work, my friend and co-worker, Louis Grant, dropped in with his expected hello and morning hug. (Something else I should be thankful for but often take for “Grant”ed.) I kind of hinted at my frustration of the morning, the life of hurry that I lead, and the challenges of the week after vacation. In his wisdom, Louis said that we should “take time to lie down or God will do it for us.” Another reminder that I should have I said it already… be still and know that He is God.

Tomorrow morning when the alarm clock goes off (it’s so loud!); I will arise and say, “This is the day the Lord has made!” (Psalm 118:24) and not shout “Breakfast is ready…haul it to the table!!!” I believe the day will start and go much better. Will you commit with me to greet our days with a goodly / Godly, attitude?

I used to love surprises so much when I was a child. I remember how it felt to feel my pulse quicken, my heartbeat get faster, and that quiver in the pit of my stomach – I loved it! But somehow I lost a little of that growing up. I guess, as an adult, I began to fully realize surprise goes hand-in-hand with change more times than not.

Lately I keep going back to this quote I read several months ago: “If you want God to surprise you, you have to give up control. You will lose a measure of predictability, but you will begin to see God move in uncontrollable ways.” ~from Mark Batterson’s ‘The Circle Maker’

Is it just me…why is giving up control never easy, even when it’s the type of control that holds me captive to complacency, to fear, to compromise, and to unfulfilled dreams? How nuts is that?

If you have accomplished this by the way, I would LOVE to hear how you have done it! I guess I do well in some areas, like letting Hubs pick where we eat sometimes (what are you laughing at? That’s progression believe it or not!).

But the hard part is I need to do it in ALL areas – all my relationships, all my worries, all the callings on my life, and all of my tomorrows. Of course the fact that it was never anything I had a handle on anyway is the truth of the matter that’s so hard to admit sometimes.

Isaiah 41:10 says ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, and surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’

What I really need to know and remember is this…That God keeps His promises. Always. And that Christ didn’t come that far (across eternity), give that much (everything), and give up that much (His own life on the cross), only to leave us to our own devices afterwards… He came to conquer!

But He came not only to conquer death and the grave eternally for us. He also came to conquer the here and now – to overcome that which we let stand in our way, that which He can remove in His power to give us the life we are designed to live!

I so want to try harder to let go and let Him bring me the things He wishes to give me… I want to trade the blessings my mind can see as good for me and those I love for the blessings that are BEST for me and those I love!

Ephesians 3:20 says ‘Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.’

If we are just willing to be surprised, He is so willing to blow our socks off! And even though that still scares me, sometimes I find now I am more excited than scared… and I don’t want what I can do…I want the ‘more’ He is waiting to do… Are you with me?!

Joyful on the Journey,
Marisa

Th-thump…th-thump…th-thump…it’s my new favorite sound.

I know that may not seem like a lot to you but to me, it’s pretty incredible. It’s the constant reminder of a miracle that was not supposed to happen. Now, let me share with you my other favorite sound. It’s a little slower than the first; it goes like this:

Thump…thump…thump.

No, my favorite sounds are not from a helicopter. These are actually the sounds of my girls’ heartbeats. The first is the sound of my baby girl that has yet to arrive. It’s twice as fast as her mother’s. This is because she’s still growing, still developing. She feels pressured to produce enough oxygen in her lungs to grow from day to day. So, her heart beats as fast as a marathon runner trying to keep herself afloat within her mother’s sanctuary.

Now, on the other hand, my wife’s heartbeat is consistently slower. It’s always faithful to support and supply our little one’s needs, never leaving her to want for what she needs.  Her heart beats this way so she can evenly distribute everything our girl needs to survive.

At first, I have to admit that learning this about both of my girls was pretty fascinating. When we saw one of our ultrasounds, we had a chance to watch our little girl get worked up and squirm. Immediately, her heart rate increased as she seemed unsure of what to do. Yet, my wife’s was still the same calming reminder that she’s been all along the way for our girl, “I’m still here, supporting you.”

The other day God overwhelmed me with the thought that so many times I’m just like my little girl. I squirm, and my heart races because I’m still learning how to do this crazy thing called life. Our cars needed repairs the other day. We have medical bills and student loans to pay. The house needs work and the list goes on and on. Yet, God is still consistently reminding me that He is there even when it doesn’t feel like it. He is calm while I am frantic. He is patient while I rush. He is loving when I’m difficult to love.

So, friend, if today you feel like my little girl with your heart beating a 1,000 miles an hour, then be encouraged by this beautiful reminder from the book of 2 Corinthians 9:8-11, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. As it is written, “He has distributed freely, he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.” He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.”

Remain calm folks…there’s nothing to see here.

I love the Andy Griffith show. I confess…I’ve always loved it. As a little boy I loved to watch every chance I could…some would call it an obsession I suppose. And even now as an adult I’ll watch an episode I’ve seen a dozen times just because I always learn something new about life from the great philosopher and theologian, Sheriff Andy Taylor. Now I don’t really think Andy considered himself to be those things, but you get my meaning.

I have favorite characters too. Barney Fife and Earnest T. Bass were my friends. Earnest T always wanted what he wanted “right now”; always convinced he was doing the right thing. He had good intentions but rarely understood his own motives completely. When trouble arose in Mayberry, Barney was usually outmanned and outgunned (mentally and physically), but he wanted everyone else in Mayberry to think he had it all under control. When Andy would come in to save the day AND Barney’s reputation by handling things, I would laugh out loud when Barney would disperse onlookers with the official sounding “remain calm folks…there’s nothing to see here.”

I’m a little like both of these guys when it comes to things of faith and life. I often want things, or think I want things, or need things, (you get the idea), and have little patience in waiting on God’s answer when I’m quite sure I know what we (me and God) are supposed to do. And when things don’t work out like I’ve planned I get nervous about my abilities and usually shoot myself in the foot, as it were. I’m sure glad God still has things under control, regardless of my misunderstanding of His way, or my inabilities to handle it all.

Exodus 14:14 says “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” I think I’ll work more on being still, and on keeping my bullet in my pocket. It sure seems to work better that way.

Deep in winter, often on the most frigid of Saturday afternoons, an unofficial tradition is honored at the Kirkland house. Actually, it’s honored by me; my wife and girls take no interest. Bundled up, I jump into the process of cleaning out the shed in our backyard.

While there’s some discarding that occurs, the ritual consists mainly of rearranging the assortment of hubris that shelters therein. (“Hubris” is Latin for “junk”, I think.)  Among the treasures with which I reacquainted myself during this year’s session is shown in the picture above. A discerning person like you can tell right-off it’s a fine, highly prized example of …..a board. Most significant, upon this kiln-dried specimen are two inventory stickers, the kind used by moving van lines. Those stickers date this magnificent board to the pre-1995 era.

I astonished even myself (a tall order) with the ridiculousness of storing a board I’ve transported over three state lines and held onto for roughly the same amount of time it takes to birth a child, raise him, and watch him graduate from high school.

That’s just silly.

The amount of stuff in the average American household is really absurd. It’s the reason the mini-storage business is a multi-billion dollar industry. (Why, yes. I rent one of those, too.) Holding on to things we don’t need or can’t use is a hindrance, spatially and financially. Sometimes even emotionally. More destructive, though, is how we hold onto sins that should have been discarded long ago. Sins such as grudges, animosity, and bitterness. Sins such as guilt, regret, and fear. Sins like inappropriate behaviors and indulgences. Why do we cram these into our spiritual closet and insist on caring for them? They crowd out room for the Holy Spirit’s fruit to take root, making us too bloated and cumbersome to respond nimbly to our Lord’s leading. With the joyfully fresh start that Christ brings to our life, we should be eager to kick these old things down to the proverbial curb. Consider Hebrews 12:1-2.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Jesus paid the price to cleanse us of our excess stuff. It’s up to us to call upon our Savior to help rid ourselves of the hindrances that hold us back from running well the path He has set for us.

I can’t speak for you, but my spiritual house needs a spring cleaning, with regular cleaning and discarding thereafter. Same for my actual home. And, I have an old board that’ll serve as a perfect starting point.

Thankful the day was nearing an end, I plopped up on my bed to open the day’s mail. In my hands lay an envelope with my name and address handwritten by someone with a local address. This wasn’t just a piece of junk mail or a bill…this was a *real* letter or card. One of my most favorite things is getting unexpected letters/cards in the mail from friends and family. My spirit was already lifting from a day that made every attempt to deflate me.

I opened the envelope and began to read the contents. The corners of my mouth turned upward, as the words that were written breathed life into me again. It was a note of encouragement…from a friend. She took the time to write a few sentences simply to encourage me in the very area that I had struggled with most that very day. I can’t stress what that simple act did for me (and for my attitude if truth be known).

Scripture teaches that, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:24, NIV84) Simply put, pleasant words are very powerful! But, quite the opposite is true as well. Thoughtless, unedifying words sting. And, God clearly teaches us not to participate in that type of talk. How often does something as simple as an unkind word spoken derail you?

I’ve heard the expression (and wise wisdom, I might add) to be careful how you speak to and treat people, because it just might be their last day on earth. Bottom line…we don’t know what’ going on in the lives of those we encounter. Does that dismiss the fact many people are simply unworthy of any kind word being spoken to them? No. But, in all honesty, none of us…not one…deserve or are worthy of any of God’s blessings.

And yet…I’ll say it again…a kind word has power.

It has the power to teach…to heal…to edify…to encourage…to show love…to convey value…to turn a sinner from his/her wicked ways…to make His name known!

Ask God to show you someone (or several “someones”) that need a word of encouragement from you today. As He points them out, be obedient in your follow through. You never know when you’ll be on the receiving end of that kind word…at a time you need it most.

I’ve always liked winter. I like snow and thick, cable knit sweaters. The glow of a fireplace, while watching big, fluffy snowflakes come down. Homemade soup, simmering on the stove, after going outside to clear the snow from my azaleas. I like it when darkness falls early enough for me to unwind before bedtime. Oh, and snow. I really, really like snow!

Sadly, as I’ve grown older (and wiser), I’ve come to recognize a couple of dark reasons playing into my fondness of the cold season. Being prone to brief periods of depression, winter seems to give me permission to hibernate. Work, church, and home are the only requirements, other than a trip to the supermarket every now and then. After holiday get-togethers are behind me, social events slack off. It’s as though the bar of interaction expectation is moved down a few notches, allowing me to hide from the world.

Now, on to the second reason. What good is depression without a nice dose of low self-esteem, right? Even in my twenties, at 125 lbs., I saw myself as being overweight. Fast forward through the birth of 3 children, along with a few very stressful life events. Not only were an additional 25 years tacked on to my age, there were also that many pounds, plus a few more, added to the number on the bathroom scales. Did I mention the fact that I’m only 5’3”? Comfort eating is my friend. Stress, worry, frustration, fear, and grief trigger cravings for NY style cheesecake. You can likely guess the correlation to the winter months without reading the next sentence. I dreaded short-sleeve weather as if it were punishment. I needed those sweaters and jeans like a 2-year-old needs a security blanket.

For the past couple of years, I’ve come to embrace what I’ve known all along…the fact that I need to condition myself to crave God, rather than the rich creaminess of cherry-topped fat and calories. I’d like to say I’m never tempted to dive in to a block of Philly cream cheese when I’m having a bad day, but that is far from the truth. Yet, I don’t do it instinctively and, if I falter, I try really hard to see myself through God’s eyes. No, I haven’t perfected that one, either. But, I’m making progress!

Then, this morning, God used something as simple as a flower to speak His truth into my heart. As I pulled out of my driveway, I noticed my neighbor’s forsythia, in full bloom. The middle of January, and there they were. My heart fell, as I thought about last year’s lack of winter, when God had chosen to only send a few flurries of snow my way. In its place had been warm, almost sultry temperatures; a perpetual month of May. And, despite a handful of nice, cold days this year, the past week has been filled with almost tropical weather. Yesterday, we actually had to turn on the AC! Just as my pity party was about to begin, my Father showed me that, in much the same way as springtime showing up in midwinter, the dark times in our lives need to give way to hope. Past hurts have been an element in the depression that has always nagged away at my being. How many times do we cling to damaging moments in the same fashion as my attachment to winter? And, how many blessings have we missed by refusing to let God bring springtime into our hearts? Satan loves that type of self-defeating mindset.

While I still hope for one big snow before warm weather is here to stay, I’m also delighting in the gift of life all around me. Whether it’s flowers in the middle of winter, or the gift of new mercies I’m granted each morning, we truly do serve a gracious, loving Father.

“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You. For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:11, NIV)

I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.  ~Hebrews 8:12 (NIV)

Happy New Year! I’m sure you’ve heard that quite a bit before you got here today, but I wanted to be counted among those that wish you much happiness and many blessings in 2013.

Resolutions are horrible, in my opinion. To me, it seems like you keep looking backwards when you make a resolution…like you’re trying to run forward, but you keep looking over you shoulder to see just how far you’ve gotten from the thing you’ve resolved to avoid this year.

This is where, to me, the resolution becomes a “self-fulfilling prophecy”. Once we do fail because we’ve been looking backwards at that thing we’re trying to avoid, we give ourselves permission to beat ourselves up for failing. And since we failed, we might as well just give up. We can try again next New Year’s Eve, right?

How far do you think you could run dragging a boulder? Can you run a marathon lugging that thing around? When you don’t finish the marathon dragging that boulder, will you beat yourself up because you failed?

I think we use resolutions as faulty measuring sticks – we use them to measure our “success” at not failing. Seems a bit wonky. If you think about it, we’re packing failures and mistakes on top of failures and mistakes and then dragging the whole lot around.  We’re exhausting ourselves trying to run away from the very things we’re dragging around every day.

You made bad choices. You made mistakes. You failed. Maybe people made fun of you. Maybe some people rejected you. Maybe someone got sick of you making the same mistakes over and over again and just walked away.

People do that. We’re human.

But, Christ will never turn away from you.

There is one catch: You have to be willing to let go of that boulder of failures and mistakes you’ve been dragging around, and lay that hunk of junk right there at the feet of Jesus.

You realize that He can’t make you do that, right?

Your Mamma can’t make you. Your honey can’t make you. Your kids can’t make you.

Taking off the yoke you’ve used to burden yourself to that boulder is a decision you have to make.

You’ve heard that scripture a thousand times from Matthew 11 where it says, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light”…here’s where it comes into play.

If you have two plow horses yoked up to a plow, if one is tired, the other horse picks up the slack and the plow still moves. The heaviest burden is picked up by the stronger horse so the weaker one isn’t overburdened.

Same thing here.

Christ comes along beside you and helps you with the burden of the heavy yoke you’ve tied onto your own neck. He puts His neck in there, too, to help take the load off of you. Your journey suddenly becomes easier and you can start looking up again…moving forward again.

I heard Steve Brown say the most amazing thing one morning:

“When Jesus Christ took your sins on the cross, God could no longer see your sins because your sins were buried in the depths of the sea. God cannot even remember your sins! Think of it! God cannot even remember! He has the ability to turn the tape recorder OFF. AND ERASE IT!”

The tapes that constantly play in your head – the ones that remind you what a failure you are and remind you of all your past mistakes – aren’t of God. That’s all you. And you can let go of all the reminders of your past failures and mistakes ANY TIME. You just have to be willing to let go of it. God’s grace and mercies are available to you any time – don’t torture yourself…until next New Year’s Eve.

“His great love is new every morning.  Lord, how faithful you are!”  ~Lamentations 3:23 (NIRV)